You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
