her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
please come you make the beer taste better
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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