i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize