you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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