someone threw a dead crab at me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
