is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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