im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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