I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
