Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
