I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
