i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
