When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
