I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had to cum in my sink.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
