i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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