Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at about main and main street
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
