Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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