So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
