I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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