i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
