Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
