fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
