i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize