i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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