You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
