you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
