No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
