i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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