i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
