My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
