Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
