my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What a dumb baby whore.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
