she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
