I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize