imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
