I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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