I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm really into asian looking animals
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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