So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize