CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
