is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
