when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
