This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
