so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
