all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
