you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
where are you?
Hypothermia
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
