dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize