I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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