Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize