we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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