Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
