Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
