I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
