The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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