and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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