I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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