Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
