I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
