what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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