I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
