So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize