when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
