mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
