no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
