I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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