found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
