dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
