She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
