i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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