Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
