allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
