he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
