the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
